Toxic Positivty

It is okay not to be okay, even if you watch the Korean drama with the same title. Nobody has to always be happy. Everybody has moments where they lose their tempers, shed tears, feel sadness, and have anxiety, ranging from little to too much. Everybody has more than so many to go through in life. It does not mean you are always a bad person. We are still humans, so does everybody else. It is best to examine ourselves, despite having moments of forgetting. We are here to experience a wide range of emotions. 

  

 Toxic Positivity

   Toxic positivity is the dark, negative side of positivity. Toxic positivty is the ineffective overgeneralization of staying positive and cheerful in all situations. For example, you expect yourself to solve problems by hiding what you actually feel, instead of vent it out healthily, calm down, and work out the situation. Toxic positivity is unhealthy, so here's why?

    Look at the warning signs of toxic positivity and see how you think and feel: 

• Hiding or denying your real emotions, which is an example of repression, a coping mechanism that categorizes in unconscious-conscious continum.
• Building a front that is considering insincere, which is combined example of repression and denial, still denying your true feelings in a passive-aggressive way.
• Giving someone your perspective by using "feel good" sentences or statements instead of genuinely understanding and empathizing what they are going through
• Blaming, yelling, and/or criticizing someone for expressing negative feelings and not being positive

You think the misfortune happens only to others? Well, it's called illusions of invulnerability. Don't you forget that the misfortune also happens to you? You can't control a lot of things, but you can control how you respond, yourself, including your reactions, feelings, and ideas. Forced happiness runs away fast. Your obsession with finding happiness will not help you succeed. Life will still never be perfect and free from pain. Sadness, anxiety, grief, pain, and other variety of negative emotions help us to realize our emotions and grow from our experiences.

  Consequences:

• Suppressed emotions: Leading to stress that is difficult to avoid
• Isolation - As a result of self-guilt and shame
• Toxic relationship with yourself and others

    Here are great examples of non-toxic version of acceptance and validation: 

• “Describe what you’re feeling, I’m listening.”
• “I see that you’re really stressed, anything I can do?”
• “Failure is a part of growth and success.”
• “This is really hard, I’m thinking of you.”
• “I’m here for you both good and bad.”
• “Everyone’s story, abilities, limitations are different, and that’s okay!" 
• “Suffering is a part of life, you are not alone.”
• “I see you. I’m here for you.”
• “Sometimes we can draw the short straw in life. How can I support you during this hard time?”
• “That sucks. I’m so sorry you’re going through this." 

Toxic positivity is placed with fake personal fable, tendency to believe that experiences and feelings are unique that no one has ever felt or thought as they do, especially pretending to feel fine while you are not. It is beneficial to take care of your own feelings first before considering others' feelings and helping them out.